first week of class

Assamlamualaikum~

So the first week of classes has ended..

Alhamdulillah.. everything was awesome.. Though there's a lil something something going on.. but that didn't stop me from having fun. Alhamdulillah~~

Ethel and Kathy came to my room just now. They're telling me that they don't really understand on how to work with our uni's website system and so they're asking if I could help them with the latest notice. As I was working with the school's website, Kathy suddenly sighed. Ethel and I looked at her and Ethel asked her whats wrong. She told us that her friends keep on comparing her with her cousin who is currently studying in Beijing. These were fews of what they said:

"Oh Kathy, stop complaining~ you're such a baby.."

"Your cousin is much much stronger than you, you both study in China.. how come you're the one who complains a lot??"

"Kathy, you should be like your cousin."

"Enough with your stress.. look at your cousin kathy."

and some sentences which I translated it:

"ehh, kuat tu ah si amy (her cousin) atu ah...kuat ani wah~~ aku pikir lamah ia ah... kuat berabis wah panya... *in a sarcastic way* "

"sadang2 jua kau ani.. kan complain saja.."

Aifu cursed a lot just now. I just sat there in front of my laptop, without saying anything (which means I didn't curse..^^,) trying as hard as I could to calm myself down. Cause I did recall a scene that had happened few weeks ago and the feelings were exactly the same as the ones that I had just now.

Hmmm~~ there's still some anger left..though I'm still trying to calm my self down, I still want talk about this..

You see people.. I don't blame Kathy for her complains cause what she's been complaining all this long are true.. these are all facts. Kathy is actually a person who doesn't complain a lot, but she can't handle it anymore and she needs to tell someone so that people understand how hard it is for her to study here. It is the only way for her to release her tension by sharing her feelings.

There are some people who usually keep everything inside and some are bursting everything out. We're just human beings you know.. Just because she complains a lot, that doesn't mean that she is not strong enough. Just because she complains more than her cousin does, you people still don't have the right to make comparison between she and her cousin. such a fool~

I keep on telling others that it doesn't worth for you to share something with someone who doesn't REALLY listen, who doesn't REALLY care.

I enjoy sharing my stories with people and I'm glad most people love to share theirs with me.Cause it basically makes me think and I learn from it. But, when it comes to sharing sadness and problems... these people are hard to find. Their willingness to hear our sadness just drop to almost level zero all of the sudden. -_-"

I think most of my friends are worth when it comes to share happiness but I have a few on my list that I think these people are REALLY worth in sharing problems and sadness. These people (exclude families and cousin which andang already on top of the list tu! ^*^ muah!) look straight at me whenever I want to tell them something. They'll ask questions and give advices as well. =') I miss these people.. a lot.. like badly. I'm just glad that I did chat with one of these people on the last 23rd FEb (You know who you are! =) ) and one will go skyping later later~ =) and oh ya.. Happy National DAY to my be <3>

and back to Kathy's case..Us, those who are currently studying here are the only ones who understand her hardships, her difficulties. So don't compare us with those who are currently studying elsewhere. You have no idea what it feels like to study here. Even Aifu, who came 2 years earlier than me is going to change school next semester. She is going to start from scratch in Hong Kong and hopefully she is going to be just fine. "I just can't handle all of this anymore.." thats what she said.

So that is why,even if I'm going through hell.. I rather keep my mouth shut than telling other people this and that (except for some people..) cause thats what going to happen if you tell it to the wrong people.. they'll say this and that and they'll start to compare~~~

I've been surrounded by these lack of motivations of people all this while, who have no more interest in studying here, whose their bodies are just being carried weightlessly and their minds are not working. I was being pulled into this 'black hole' bit by bit through out my 1st year of doing my major, but as I was almost being submerged completely, suddenly I felt like as if someone had pulled me out of it and set me free.=)

Thanks to Him, I am more careful than I was before. Though I still live in that type of surrounding, alhamdulillah, I'm able to protect myself from it.

I'm just blessed cause He has been helping me to stand strong, my families who have been my right and left arm, who have been praying for me and my precious who have been my wings so far. These people are the reasons why I've chosen to fight through all these obstacles.

We may breakdown more than some people do, but at least we do stand up again and that is what important most!

It really hurts me to be honest. People do always jump into stupid conclusions for god sake.

Some people tell us, "alaa~~ elek wa.. chill.. happy2 saja..jantah kn stress2 ani.." hmm.. these people~ Its pretty much being in a sarcastic tone whenever I reply to these such sentences so in order for me to control myself, I rather keep my mouth shut.

Well, life.. we do have these people around us.. Patience is the only option and the strongest weapon. But remember this, we as humans do have some limits.. Try to go beyond that.. and you'll get the unexpected reactions.. =) Bear in mind people.

Love,

B.